Deep Breath...

Disappointments are a part of life.  What happens when disappointment becomes a WAY of life? Anger sets in...and it's an anger that can become deep seated, and hard to be rid of.

But let's back up. A few days ago, I drove through the gates of my workplace, conceivably for the last time.  Not that I won't be back to visit, but it won't be the same, I won't be back in uniform. It was with many conflicting emotions that I packed up my office.  How does one get nine years of loose work ends tied up? Nine years of personal items collected into boxes? With a heavy heart, that's how. And yet, it's been luxurious glancing at my alarm clock knowing I don't have to switch the alarm to "on".  In spite of that, I've found myself rushing in the morning when I don't have to, feeling a sense of urgency tugging, pushing at the base of my skull. I've found I have to consciously remind myself I have no early morning deadline, willing myself to slow down and relax. After years of working at a high ops tempo, I'm finding that slowing down may be my biggest hurdle to contentment. It's just going to take time.

Moving on, there was one group of medical paperwork I needed from my doctor to avoid holding the visa process up on my end. I began the paperwork mid-August, and finally received it on Tuesday. I'm not sure I've felt that elated about anything in the last few months. I felt I had scored a victory, a major triumph-- until I realized the paperwork was dated 19 August ( the day the process was begun) and it expires after 90 days. Which gives me until 19 November to submit it to the embassy with my visa application or begin the paperwork again. So submit it already, right?! Wrong!  Before I can submit our visa applications, we must have authorization paperwork from the Saudi Foreign Ministry in hand...and our hands are conspicuously empty.  For five weeks Steven has inquired about the paperwork, requested status checks, demanded updates, progressively becoming angrier and angrier. This is not to say I haven't shared his anger, but you might say mine has over time converted more to a quiet resignation that if this paper is received, it will be when THEY want to provide it--and not a minute sooner.  

And so on to the opening statements of this post.  We have been promised this paperwork so many times that Steven can now estimate the NEW time they predict it will be ready, each time he requests status. "Should be by Sunday or Monday", "Check with us Thursday", "Definitely by Sunday", "For sure by Wednesday".  It goes on and on like this. Empty words going around and around, meaningless.  The one definite? Whatever day he inquires will NEVER be the day it's arrived. And so the frustration and anger builds.

I've come to terms with the fact that this is par for the course in the life of an expat. We are not moving to America. We have become accustomed to a standard of bureaucratic customer care here in the States that can't be matched anywhere else, and yet we still complain.  

But here's the good news: I know the paperwork is coming. I don't know the when, but I know it's in the works.  And I know what my reaction will be...downright, sheer, unadulterated joy. And if you hear some whooping and hollering, wherever you are, just know that it's probably me, and my hands are no longer empty:)